i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
