When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
