So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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