Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
