3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
