a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Its about making memories worth repressing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize