life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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