i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
