Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
