Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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