Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
