Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
