In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
