Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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