I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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