I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
