Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
