Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
