The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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