I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
