My friends, they love my intelligence
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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