11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
