Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
