so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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