the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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