I think I won the penis lottery.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
