I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
not ubering you a puppy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
