Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
