dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
