Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
