At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
