I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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