I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
