community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
