I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
