Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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