Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dick has a subreddit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
