I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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