Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
