I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
