Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
