I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
