Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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