I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
