Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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