im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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