Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
