when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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