The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
