So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
