I faked an abortion last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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