i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
