My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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