I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize