from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
