My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
