Will you blow on my dice?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
