that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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