I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
