she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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