why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
