well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
