My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
