2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
