Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
