It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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