Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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