Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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