i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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