I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
