Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
