My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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