I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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