were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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