Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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