me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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