I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
